All my past chapters have ended and I can sleep well at night knowing this.
However the struggle to sleep continues because I haven’t completely shared exactly how I feel.
I’m very much in tune with my intuition and feelings, and also have been in several iterations of relationships. And as you know, I’ve taken notes and written about feelings I’ve had during some of these emotional interactions. My goal in these writings was to attempt to express how I feel, while also considering their perspective and perhaps what I could improve upon. Over the last few years, I’ve incrementally began to understand my faults and the values that are required in order for me to want to be with a woman.
- Complete Honesty without judgment
- Equal partnership
- Positive energy
- Someone I like
- Beautiful Face/Smile
- A nice little tail
- Loves music
- A Passion
Nice to have:
- Healthy Diet/Cares about their body
- Good Family
- College Educated
- From LA
I need, someone that is passionate about something. I know I’ll do everything I can to help make their dreams a reality.
I also made a decree that I wasn’t interested in dating anybody that I couldn’t see myself being with forever. I would not be the boyfriend that meets the family, only to have to hope I don’t see them anymore because the relationship ended. I take this very seriously; I enjoy the thought of having my person. The chase and hunt for multiple women doesn’t align with my values.
As you can imagine, that’s an immense amount of pressure I put on myself and for the next person I was looking to date. In fact, I was told this by many women in the past 😅. Suggesting I shouldn’t be so narrow and should be more with the flow. While, they were right about me being in the flow, I never felt good about reducing my standards.
So, I dated and dated and DATED. Scouring the LA area, hoping I’ll bump into this person. Pre-quarantine, I was planning on going to dance and yoga classes, hoping she would appear there 😂.
Alas, here I am. Thinking about the sleep that I hadn’t been getting, that is, until last night.
Today, I woke up refreshed feeling more confident to share my feelings, simply because they are real.
You are the person.
You are the person that I have been spending countless days trying to locate.
Years, trying to locate you.
All trying to find you.
I can say with all the assurance in the world that it was all worth it.
I have never felt the way I do when talking to you. Thinking about you, talking about you. Being in your presence, even socially distant. I looked at all my notes and can see I’ve been a cartographer, creating a map to find the treasure that is you.
Look, I know these are a lot of words, and given that Words of Affirmation isn’t high on the board for you, it might not resonate as much. Nonetheless, I’m ready to step up as the man that you’ve prayed for. I won’t pretend to be perfect and not make mistakes. However, I will never make a mistake that I know will hurt you. That’s my commitment and ask for that in a partnership.
This is all very fast, I get it. I’ve been trying my hardest to slow myself down and be patient. In the Spirit of that, I’m not asking for any yes or no or any of that stuff. I simply want you to know where I stand and how I see you.
Old Timers always say, “When you know you know.”
I can actually say for the first time. I know. And I have facts to support why.
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